Incredibly perceptive…heres to you Mark Sanford
As a Congressman, Mark Sanford laid the groundwork for all the dickish endeavors he’d later gain fame for.
Upon his arrival in 1995, Sanford decided that rather than spend money on an apartment, it would be cheaper to sleep on a cot in his office. Then, he denied his staff the simple luxury of new letterhead, telling them to use the personalized stationary of the Congresswoman he replaced. These would be considered smart cost cutting moves had Sanford not been a millionaire.
Sanford’s cheapness extended to his political views, as he voted against any legislation that required government spending.
Some of the bills that he voted against included:
-A bill that protected the preservation of sites linked to the Underground Railroad
-A commemorative stamp raising breast cancer awareness
-The reauthorization of the Violence Against Women act
Sanford evidently didn’t see what the big deal was with slavery…or beating women…or beating women with breast cancer. It is unclear whether or not he has a stamp collection.
Governor of South Carolina
To celebrate being elected governor, Sanford skipped town (clearly foreshadowing a future trip) to join the Air Force Reserve in Alabama. While training for two weeks, he did not transfer power to lieutenant governor, and fellow Republican, Andre Bauer, as Sanford believed there should be a monopoly on being a dick.
In office, Sanford began his plan to run his state’s economy into the ground. Tensions with the South Carolina General Assembly came to a head on May 26, 2004, when the Republican-led Assembly overrode 105 of Sanford’s 106 budget vetoes.
Furious that they did not share his desire to ruin the lives of everyone in South Carolina, Sanford retaliated. In a visual protest against pork barrel spending, Sanford brought live pigs into the House chamber. The pigs, creatively named “Pork” and “Barrel,” immediately defecated on the chamber floor, as well as on Sanford’s shoes and credibility.
The following year, he brought a horse and buggy to the Statehouse, saying it symbolized the state’s outdated Constitution and ways of governance. At the very least, Sanford was keeping the struggling Farm Animal Rental industry alive.
For some reason, the voters of South Carolina re-elected him for a second term. Apparently, they are unusually tolerant of dickery.